...about when you become friends with your clients. The person mentioned specifically time. For example a 2-hour appointment morphs into a 4-Hour appointment. I really thought this was an intelligent and insightful question because I believe it can spark some substantive conversation around the ideas of integrity and containers. When clients request more time during their appointment I have a specific phrase that I use that invites them to stay and continue our exploration providing they've prepared themselves financially to spend more time with me. I've also been in the situation where I have wanted to continue our engagement past are contracted time together. It is then that I’m grateful that I have been able to master the art of building the container.
A container is the energetic construct that gets created either by intention or default when we are engaged with humanity. One nice thing about containers for us as sex workers is that when you intentionally set them you are able to begin your appointment with clear understandings and with strong boundaries. One other nice thing about containers is that they can be flexible if you want them to be. What's revolutionary about that is the idea that we can stay focused on our own desires and speak that in the moment thereby allowing the container to be flexible enough to hold desires as they begin to fluctuate and evolve in the moment. That doesn't mean that integrity goes out the window. What it means is that as providers when we are not seeing clients and we are working on ourselves and training ourselves to be better sex workers we are learning how to hold a flexible container while remaining true to our boundaries and decisions. What that requires is practice. We can practice being with our Selves, knowing what it is we want, understanding that those wants and desires fluctuate greatly from moment to moment and being laser-focused on how we're feeling and how that informs every client experience. One way to practice laser-focus is to ask yourself each day how you feel and require that you give yourself an answer. Sometimes it's helpful to do that 8 or 10 or 15 times a day - allowing us to rapidly discover how we're feeling. There are a lot of ways to do it asking yourself how you feel and requiring an answer is one way. Meditation is another way. Learning about the chakras and how those energy centers can aid us in learning how we feel is also a good way of going about it. Once you know how you feel and have practiced how you feel and can have that knowing in just a few seconds, that's when you can speak your truth in that moment. That moment when your client requests to stay longer. That moment when you are entertaining the idea of continuing your engagement with that client past the contracted at time. It is that moment in which you can express yourself clearly. And because you've built a container that is flexible enough to hold fluctuating desires an open dialogue can begin.
In Tantra-land containers are called tapas. Tapas has many meanings one of which is a container in which we can freely move about with the full understanding that there are boundaries. The concept that follows close on the heels of Tapas is Spanda. Spanda is an elevation of consciousness - that ah ha moment of clarity. Spanda is comfortable appearing in a strong container (tapas). When spanda arrives it is then when you can know what you want and can speak it and communicate it clearly to your client or whomever you happen to be with.
Some might suggest having a flexible container is not the answer but instead having a rigid container (i.e. - you contracted for this amount of time you will stay for this amount of time) is one answer. Another answer is to spend time learning about who you are, what you want, and how you feel from moment to moment so that in those moments when you are faced with a decision you can make an informed one knowing that you are held by a flexible container of your own creating and that you are well versed and well practiced at knowing who you are and what you want so that when you do make those decisions you make them in integrity and can communicate clearly with your client. That’s the moment when Tantric practices support you.